For more information on the topics covered below visit www.jaxfanucci.com or email info@jaxfanucci.com for advice and customised meal/fitness programmes. 

My journey on this path of health, mindfulness and happiness began 11 years ago. I attended high school here in Dubai, and after a particularly rough patch of being bullied coupled with a divorce between my parents, I turned to comfort eating. I gained 30 Kgs during my last two years of high school, which of course didn’t help things along socially. Desperate to find that sense of control in a time where I felt that I had none, it was time to take my weight into my own hands. The first step was to complete my personal trainer certification, where I decided to use myself as my own little project/case study. Slowly the weight began dropping off and the compliments from others started pouring in (I had left high school by this period). I began to become addicted as the compliments started rolling in. This was the first time in my life where I was being complimented on my looks, which was totally contradictory to my teenage years.

Exercising two hours every day whilst being severely undernourished, I started to feel the toll this lifestyle was taking on my body and I loved the pain! The pain of hunger, fatigue and malnutrition was a welcome distraction from an incredibly difficult home environment. By the time I realized I wasn’t in control of this lifestyle and it was controlling me I was nine years deep into my struggle with bulimia and anorexia. My ribs would break at the slightest knock, I barely had the strength to leave my room and slow liver failure had turned my skin yellow…… My mother was the catalyst in changing my life as she dragged me kicking and screaming to a psychiatrist where I was placed on some heavy medication and a treatment regime. If it hadn’t been for her strength that day, I am certain that I wouldn’t be here today.

The real game changer in my recovery process was finding yoga. The art of mindfulness, meditation and true reflection slowly built me up mentally from the inside out. My mother would come home from work during meal times to sit with me whilst I ate every meal (and 45 minutes after to make sure that I kept it down) until I felt ready and confident to do it on my own (I was 22 by this stage). Her next gift to me was my 200 hr teacher training which was where I felt every corner of my mind, body and soul not only healed but stronger and more vibrant than ever before (than I ever knew was possible).

Three years later and I had completed my holistic nutrition degree, 500 hr yoga teacher training and began developing my program; Sweat, Stretch, Smile. I am alive today because of the strength and support of my mother. I am well aware that thousands suffering from this disease aren’t as lucky as I was having such an incredible outside source of strength, which is why I offer my support to those who need it. I began releasing youtube videos giving advice based on my experiences during recovery (the brutal things you don’t read about in the online self-help guides). I was shocked by the amounts of questions and emails which came rolling in and it truly made me aware of how many there are out there searching for help, answers and guidance.

My program is in no way only for people suffering from eating disorders, its about anyone looking to find a happy, healthy lifestyle that suits them. Remember there is no such thing as a one size fits all, which is why I work individually with clients to find what will work for them and help them thrive!

What causes an eating disorder?

Ah the age old misconception that eating disorders are solely driven by vanity couldn’t be further from the truth! The symptoms manifest themselves as physical (binge eating, comfort eating, healthy obsession, starvation, purging…..) The same way in which the symptoms of the flue can be a sore throat, fever and congestion. The eating disorder itself will never be cured until one establishes the root cause of the disease! The most common causes for the development of the disease can fall into a number of categories

Temperament

Certain traits and tendencies with in an individuals personality can increase their likely hood of developing an eating disorder e.g;

• obsessive thinking
• perfectionism
• sensitivity to reward and punishment,  harm avoidance
• neuroticism (emotional instability and hypersensitivity)
• impulsivity, especially in bulimia nervosa
• rigidity and excessive persistence, especially in anorexia nervosa

This category of individual benefits tremendously from mindfulness practices, and slow movement activities such as yoga. Understanding these traits and how they influence your life and life choices is the first step to recovery. The obsessive thoughts aren’t as scary when you understand where they’re coming from, and they ARE controllable!

Traumatic events (including bullying, divorce, abuse…)

Survivors of trauma often struggle with shame, guilt, body dissatisfaction and a feeling of a lack of control.  The eating disorder may become the individual’s attempt to regain control or cope with these intense emotions. In some cases, the eating disorder is an expression of self-harm or misdirected self-punishment for the trauma.  As many as 50% of those with eating disorders may also be struggling with trauma disorders.

Social pressures and ideals (media family and friends)

We live in a technological world where the people we spend the most of our time with are the ones on our instagram feed. What teens and most adults are unaware of is that all of these ‘models’ and ‘fitness influencers’ do not look the way they do on their posts 100% of the time, and this becomes their ‘benchmark’ for beauty and social status. I have personally had the #thigh gap and the #abs but that was only after a starvation process overnight and a brilliant light set up in the morning, but the second I ate a salad or steamed broccoli BOOM the abs disappeared. Ive worked with countless fitness models and on photo shoots and the same applies! The abs are only there for a moment in time.

Types of eating disorders, and symptoms

What exactly is classified as an eating disorder, and what are specific tell tale signs?

First things first I want to make it clear that you can not tell whether or not a person is suffering from an eating disorder based on their physical appearance! There are many different types of eating disorders all with their own little tell tales. A lot of the signs aren’t mentioned in articles online, and its only due to my past experiences as well as reflective discussions with my mother (and those closest to me during my 11 year disorder)

Anorexia

People with anorexia usually try to hide their condition.

• They may wear bulky clothes to disguise their weight,
• pretend to eat (or tell individuals that they’re not hungry because they’ve already eaten)
• An obsession with exercising (and anxiety if they miss a session)…

They may lie about their weight.

• A lot of individuals suffering from anorexia or restrictive eating develop an obsession with food, which is shown by following ‘food porn’ feeds on instagram (bookmarking tasty videos), constantly talking about food and always wanting to cook for others!
• Social isolation. Unfortunately individuals suffering from eating disorders isolate themselves and feel ‘alienated’ from the world. The internal torture makes them feel trapped in their own minds.
• Obsessing over reading food labels
• Constantly commenting on other peoples physiques and bodies
• Emotional outbursts after trying on clothes in changing rooms
• Drinking excessive amounts of water to try satisfy hunger

Bulimia

People with bulimia nervosa binge eat, consuming a large amount of food at one sitting. They then purge by forcing themselves to vomit. Laxatives are often abused, as well. Like anorexics, bulimics may exercise compulsively in order to lose weight.

Common symptoms of bulimia nervosa include

• Recurrent episodes of binge eating, with a feeling of lack of control
• Recurrent episodes of inappropriate purging behaviors to prevent weight gain
• A self-esteem overly influenced by body shape and weight
• Going to the bathroom after a meal with a large bottle of water
• Returning from the bathroom with blood shot eyes (this was the dead give away according to my mother)
• Drinking excessive amounts of sparkling water after a meal (this helps facilitate the purge)
• Anxiety and fidgeting after a meal in public.
• A fear of gaining weight, despite having a normal weight

Binge Eating Disorder (BED)

Binge eating disorder is currently believed to be one of the most common eating disorders, especially in the US. Individuals with this disorder have similar symptoms to those with bulimia. This type of eating disorder is similar to comfort eating, where the person suffering has an emotional trigger to a binge.

Sufferers typically eat unusually large amounts of food in relatively short periods of time and usually feel a lack of control during binges, people with binge eating disorder do not restrict calories or use purging behaviors such as vomiting or excessive exercise to compensate for their binges.

Common symptoms of binge eating disorder include:

• Eating large amounts of foods rapidly, in secret and until uncomfortably full, despite not feeling hungry.
• Feeling a lack of control during episodes of binge eating.
• Feelings of distress, such as shame, disgust or guilt, when thinking about the binge-eating behavior.
• No use of purging behaviors, such as calorie restriction, vomiting, excessive exercise or laxative or diuretic use, to compensate for the binging.

Orthorexia (Healthy Obsession)

I’d say that this is the most common due to todays instagram culture. Now days with #healthyrecipes #paleo and #cleaneating floating about, and making a post go viral, a lot of people lose the ability to moderate and to allow the odd cheat meal or take out on the weekend. A person with orthorexia will be obsessed with defining and maintaining the perfect diet, rather than an ideal weight. She will fixate on eating foods that give her a feeling of being pure and healthy. An orthorexic may avoid numerous foods, including those made with:

• Artificial colors, flavors or preservatives, pesticides or genetic modification, Fat, sugar or salt, other ingredients considered to be unhealthy

Signs include

• Obsessive concern over the relationship between food choices and health concerns such as asthma, digestive problems, low mood, anxiety or allergies
• Increasing avoidance of foods because of food allergies, without medical advice
• Noticeable increase in consumption of supplements, herbal remedies or probiotics
• Drastic reduction in opinions of acceptable food choices, such that the sufferer may eventually consume fewer than 10 foods
• Irrational concern over food preparation techniques, especially washing of food or sterilization of utensils

Other tell tale signs (EDNOS; eating disorders not other specified);

• Feelings of guilt when deviating from strict diet guidelines
• Increase in amount of time spent thinking about food
• Regular advance planning of meals for the next day
• Feelings of satisfaction, esteem, or spiritual fulfillment from eating “healthy”
• Thinking critical thoughts about others who do not adhere to rigorous diets
• Fear that eating away from home will make it impossible to comply with diet
• Distancing from friends or family members who do not share similar views about food
• Avoiding eating food bought or prepared by others
• Worsening depression, mood swings or anxiety

How to approach someone who you believe could be suffering?

Unfortunately by the time you suspect an individual is suffering form an eating disorder, they’re already deep into the trenches of the disorder, and there is no ‘band-aid’ method. Im proof that no matter how deep into the throws of an eating disorder your child is there IS a way out! (Although it was a gory 4 year recovery process).

1)The first step is to educate yourself on the ins and outs of the disorder itself. EMPATHY is key to connecting and breaking through to your child, friend or family member! When something feels foreign to you, it is incredibly evident to the suffer and that disconnect in understanding will severely hinder the trust between you two. The individual suffering is in a state of torment and feels weak, so they need to feel that you are on this journey with them as a partner, and not some judgmental figure watching from the sidelines.

2) Gently approach the topic with your child, (never in an accusing manner!). A lot of the time parents have the tendency to point out all of the problems, but that can panic a child and make them feel even more hopeless then before! Make sure your child knows that you will work with them and explain the steps you will take to beat this thing together. When we have a game plan even the most unattainable goals feel attainable.

3) Consult a professional; before approaching your child to educate yourself, and to help set out the recovery strategy. Once again consult a professional with your child so that they have an external resource. (trust me from meal plans, to kidney and liver function you’ll need a professional guiding you along the way).

4) DO NOT COMMENT ON PHYSICAL CHANGES! words can trigger a relapse. “You look so much healthier” often equates to “you are fat.” “I am glad you look healthy again” often equates to “you are fat and don’t need to gain weight.” “You are so skinny I am worried” often equates to “losing weight is what will get people to care for me.” Don’t place any attention or emphasis on the physical appearance during the recovery process! Only the internal biological functions shown on medical tests.

The post Eating Disorders: All You Need To Know – & How To Prevent/Help appeared first on Sassy Mama.

My own love affair with audiobooks began right about the time I gave up on meditating. An avowed bookworm, I didn’t need much convincing beyond “Free Trial,” at which point I immediately found ways to double my literary pleasure by “reading” in places I normally couldn’t (in a taxi, on a walk, in my “meditation corner” etc.).

As it turns out, listening to a story is its own act of mindfulness. (Take that, Headspace.) The narrator just keeps reading whether you’ve stopped to think about what you need from the store or to rehash that awkward encounter with your new neighbor. So it pays to shut off those little voices and be, like, present. What’s better is that this applies to children as well, and I swear mine enter the deepest state of relaxation when we listen to an audiobook before bed, helping them (and me) to fall asleep twice as fast. (You’ve already downloaded your first book, haven’t you?)

As long as you have a smartphone, you can very often get books for free and without leaving home. Simply download an app – Audible, Overdrive, or Downpour, to name a few.

Whether you’re a newly convinced listener, or a veteran, here are some wonderful audiobooks for any occasion.

The post Listening is the New Reading: Five Audiobooks for Kids and Parents appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Our newest contributor Mariken Bouhas Janssen is the Founder of Pure Parenting, a brilliant online service which offers personal help and guidance for any questions that you may have about raising young children without leaving the comfort of your home. In there first of her features, Mariken shares her top tips on helping our expat kids feel stable, secure and in touch with friends and family in our home countries.

Living abroad as a family, can be a fantastic experience, allowing you to have a lot of quality time together. The biggest downside, however is missing your trusted support network of parents, friends and social systems, who share the same values. Day to day living and getting into a routine is harder as you can not fall back on your old or predictable patterns. Most things around you are probably different to what you were used to as a child or to how you were raised. The schooling system, medical care, the food and safety of your children as well as the culture, language and social norms are different. All the things you took for granted back home, you now have to look/ search for or adjust to. You basically need to find out how to fit in. And while you are creating a new system for your family, things around you change all the time as people around you come and go. This can make you feel like you are thrown out of your comfort zone constantly and who would not find that challenging?

What can we do to help our children not to feel displaced?

It is important that you prepare yourself and your kids well, so they know (a little) what to expect. Keep them informed, by reading and telling them about the place you are going to and try to involve them where you can, depending on their age. The way you feel about living abroad impacts your child’s experience. Even with very little children, you have more influence on your child(rens) emotions and feelings than you might realize. Yes really! So if you feel your new place is your new home, your children will be very likely to feel the same. I have met many mums and they told me to that they found it most challenging themselves and this has indeed impacted their child’s feelings/ emotions. If you, as a parent, see new challenges as learning experiences and teach your children to think, feel and act positive towards these, you are teaching them great skills of how to cope with and enjoy new life experiences.

What can we do to help children whose friends move back to their home countries?

Saying goodbye to dear friends is difficult for everyone. Allow your child to feel sad or upset, empathize with him and give attention to these big feelings and the situation. Take time to sit and talk about it or use other ways to let your children express how they feel. Let them know it is very understandable what they are going through. Read books about saying goodbye or draw pictures with your little ones. Keep memories alive but also define the time to think about it, how to move on and that it’s good to make new friends while keeping others in your heart!

And what about when it’s time for us to move on – how can we help kids with the transition?

When it’s time to move on, it is important to manage transitions carefully to make these a positive rather than traumatic experience. Do make sure that some things stay the same wherever you go and inform your children about the plan in advance. This helps children to feel more safe if they have some time to get used to the idea and have information and awareness about all the changes. Take familiar materials or physical possessions with you. Children are likely to feel safe and secure when their environment resembles something they know. To a little child, you can easily say; “Your bed will always be your bed with your stuffed animals. What will be different is the room where it stands in. You can adapt this conversation depending on their age. It can also help to take somethings they love to eat, as it can take time to find things which suit our taste or adapt to new foods.

Try to stick to familiair sleep, food and play routines– this works best with children as chaos can make childeren feel insecure. Create some daily quality time where you sit with them will help them to feel safe and reassured that they don’t have to worry about their new home.

How can we maintain relationships with family and friends back ‘home’?

It can be difficult to share your situation with your family and friends as it’s not always easy for them to relate to your circumstances. Therefore you have to put effort in those relationships to stay connected, as connection is the key for relationships. Think about what it is that you want your children to have for relationship with their family and translate your ideas practically into their (daily) lives. Talking online is nice but most children are not big fans. Here are some alternatives as todays technology really makes it easier to stay in touch! Grandparents can read stories on skype or record reading a story. My mum read my sons favorite book, she recorded it and he was able listen to it any time. Remember occasions! Such as birthdays, anniversary’s and send photo’s, & small video clips as messages to family. Let them draw pictures and take pictures of these to send. You can add photos to cards online or just send regular pictures. Short frequent modes of contact moments work better than long occasional conversations.

Parenting can be a challenging and stressful role no matter where you choose to settle in.

Remember for your child, you are their world and that experience of a warm, loving bond between parent and child can supersede any environmental change and help a child feel secure no matter where in the world they are living…

The post The Challenges Of Living Abroad With Kids appeared first on Sassy Mama.

A gorgeous pregnancy glow is one thing but when it’s hot, hot, hot out there and you’re carrying a bump the size of a huge watermelon plus feeling totally nauseous, that glow is more like a mega sweat. We hear ya mamas-to-be, it’s not much fun waddling about feeling gross and swollen. Want to know how to survive the hot months with a bump in tow? we’ve put together some of the best ways to be pregnant and stay cool and comfortable over the summer. So get your feet up (that’s tip number 7 btw…) and have a read.

Read More: Prepping For Pregnancy 

The post Pregnant In Dubai: 10 Ways To Survive The Hot Months With A Bump appeared first on Sassy Mama.

I suspect I’m not alone; data shows that kids between the ages of 2-9 years average 8 disputes an hour, each going for roughly 45 seconds. That equates to about 10% of the time together fighting! More if you factor in extra siblings.  Most parents feel at a complete loss as to how to deal with it too.

Should you intervene? If so, what should you do? Turns out, just as with my Fostering Grit in Kids article, there is lots of research on the matter… below I outline some of the key takeaways for us mamas to help us stay sane and manage the constant battles!

Firstly, is sibling conflict so bad?

Yes and No! Siblings play a critical role in children’s development of interpersonal skills (e.g. empathy), their emotional regulation, behaviour, and mental and physical health. It follows that children who have experienced high levels of negative sibling conflict show poor mental and physical health outcomes. We don’t want to eliminate or avoid sibling conflict altogether. Constructive conflict is important as can help our kids develop effective conflict management skills, help them tolerate negative feelings (e.g. being okay with feeling sad or angry), and build social problem-solving skills.

Should we intervene?

Yes! Parents intervening in a way which helps the child navigate the conflict more constructively helps reduce sibling fighting and leads to warmer and more cohesive sibling relationships. It also leads to better outcomes for each child in terms of how they feel about themselves, better physical health, and better individual social and emotional development. This is particularly the case when kids are little and don’t have the emotional or social skills to navigate sibling battles.

Although the old adage is to “leave them to sort it out for themselves”, research shows that ignoring the fighting, or endorsing some form of conflict (e.g. encouraging them to ‘hit back’), leads to more fighting, a worse sibling relationship, and more negative health outcomes for our kids (both physical and mental health). This is also true for intervening in a way which shuts down the conflict (e.g. “cut it out”) or punishing them for having conflict.

How can we improve sibling relationships?

Every day strategies

1. Treat each child equally: if kids suspect favouritism, they’ll often try and square things up themselves! Treating your kids fairly won’t eliminate conflict, but playing favourites will increase it so it is worth keeping in mind.
2. Watch how you fight: research shows that children fight like their parents! We all hate to argue in front of our kids, but if you do, try and do it in a way that you don’t mind being copied (easy to say, I know!).
3. Introduce systems that prevent regular fights: if there are regular battles that take place in your household, look for ways to fairly split the sought-after thing. For example, could you assign odd and even days for who gets to ride in the front seat, push the lift button, choose the music… the list is endless!
4. Prioritise some family fun time: improving sibling relationships isn’t just about removing conflict. Focus on trying to build a more positive bond and create happy shared memories by getting them to have fun together.

“In the moment” strategies

Rather than seeing sibling fights as something just to endure, try and view them as an opportunity to help your kids build good conflict management skills, and their social and emotional skills (e.g. empathy) more broadly. It is unrealistic to think we will respond in a constructive way to every sibling dispute. But, keep these principles in mind, mama, and when you do have the time, energy, and composure, try to intervene in sibling conflict in a way that:

1. Acknowledges and shows empathy for the feelings of each child: e.g. “yes, it can be really annoying when Jack takes your toy / knocks down your tower / etc”
2. Encourages each child to see the perspective of the other: e.g. “Jill, I think Jack took your toy because it’s the new toy and he wants to play with it too. Can you understand him wanting to play with it?” and “Jack, Jill is upset because she was playing with the toy and you snatched it. You would probably get upset if that happened to you too, wouldn’t you?”
3. Provides each child with an alternative way to respond in future: Children need help working out appropriate ways to be assertive and defend themselves. e.g. “Jack, next time you want to play with something that Jill has, perhaps you could ask Jill…”
4. Shows no tolerance for violent behaviour: while it is important to use sibling disputes to teach positive social behaviours, it is also important that you protect both children and make it clear that physical aggression is not okay.
5. Encourages collaborative problem solving: help them to come up with a fair solution together. E.g. “given you both want to play with this toy, what should we do?” If they struggle to come up with a solution you could suggest something and ask for their thoughts. e.g. “what if you each had a turn with the toy?” Children often don’t want to adopt a fair solution (i.e. they want the toy all to themselves!), so you may need to enforce a fair solution.

Note! The concept of ‘sharing’ is abstract and difficult for small children to understand. At young ages, it is better to stick with ‘turn taking’ as it is more concrete and clear-cut.

While these steps above may sound like a lengthy and exhausting process, it only need take 2-3 minutes. We’re never going to eliminate sibling conflict, nor do we want to. However, using some of these tips could help reduce the level of conflict overall, develop a warmer sibling relationship and positive well-functioning relationships across your kids’ lives.

The post Sibling Rivalry: Tips to Stop the Fighting! appeared first on Sassy Mama.

One of the huge benefits of living in such a multicultural city is the depth of experience and exposure that children have to different traditions and cultures. However it can sometimes prove difficult to explain to little ones what these experiences mean and why they are so important to others.

As a mother I know how hard it can be to answer all the questions, and being a Muslim myself, hopefully I wanted to offer some simplified explanations that may help educate children about our most important time of the year.

Firstly, it’s good for children to understand that fasting is not something unique to Islam; fasting and deprivation are very old spiritual techniques used by lots of other people around the world as part of their culture and religion.

Fasting can take different forms for different cultures/religions, some stop eating certain types of food for certain days (such as Christians for Lent), some fast but still drink and some stop drinking as well. The periods of fasting also differ from one religion/culture to another.

Muslims stop eating and drinking from when the sun goes up to when the sun sets for one month every year, this is the Holy Month of Ramadan.

The reason we fast is because our bodies have to use energy to digest food, so we believe that when we stop eating we can use that energy for thinking (meditating). Believers have used fasting from olden days until today to clean (purify) the body and mind (soul). It is supposed to help make us stronger inside and help us understand others better (to be empathetic) and to connect with God and the people around us better. It also makes us understand how people who are poorer than ourselves and who may not have food and water feel.

When you are fasting you should not only stop eating, drinking and chewing gum while the sun is up but also you are supposed to think of all the ways you can be nicer to and help other people – your family, friends, teachers, cleaners, and even strangers. You should try to say only nice things to people, and not get angry or cross with anyone or be rude. When we don’t spend our time getting cross or upset, our minds are clear to think about all the good things we have and focus on the important things.

You should also try and do something charitable for people in need who need help from others – donating some money or gifts, or volunteering to help.

Hopefully these simple concepts can be easily understood by your children. It can also be fun to organise additional research activities around this to help older children understand the commonalities between us all. You can challenge them to find out where fasting is practiced as a religious or spiritual practice. How long they fast for and how, and what kind of foods people stop eating in different cultures/religions.

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