Singaporean mama Jamie Lee talks in great detail about her experience with Postpartum Anxiety, including the warnings signs and treatment options, and her ongoing struggle to shake any perceived stigma of mental illness. And she is a stronger mama to her son because of it! If you have any worries or concerns about maternal wellbeing and mental health, contact Out Of The Blues here in Dubai. 

I’ve lived with anxious thoughts all my life. But not quite the kind I experienced after the birth of my son, Noah, in April 2017. I had a smooth and enjoyable pregnancy. At 38 weeks, I delivered a healthy baby boy within 7 hours of admission. Everything was going as planned and I couldn’t wait to finally embark on my journey as a mother. It was perhaps because things had gone so well that I was unprepared for what was to come.

During confinement, I had the usual worries about Noah’s milk intake, diaper output, and overall health. While these recurred throughout my day, these worries were manageable. It was not until I found myself bawling in my office toilet when I returned to work that I realized these thoughts were morphing into something more insidious.

During this episode, I saw a video of a child drowning in a baby spa because he was left unsupervised and I had thought it was Noah. My hands were shaking, my heart was racing, my chest tightened, and I was gasping for air. It took me a good few minutes to realize that it wasn’t Noah.

I knew something wasn’t quite right and became more aware of my thoughts and actions. I realized I was afraid to stand near windows while carrying Noah, regardless of whether they were opened or closed. I refused to step foot in my service yard because I had very vivid thoughts of him falling fifteen storeys. I would read horrifying news about how someone had bludgeoned a cat to death and worried this person would find my son. I would stay awake at night to ensure Noah was breathing as he slept. And when I did sleep, I had nightmares of him drowning in a bathtub because I left the water running.

I was afraid to talk about this because these thoughts seemed too gruesome for someone who had just welcomed her bundle of joy. But when a friend reached out, I plucked up the courage and confided in her. She encouraged me to see a psychiatrist and even accompanied me to the hospital. It was then that I was told my symptoms sounded like I had postpartum anxiety.

While I was familiar with postpartum depression, I was not at all aware of postpartum anxiety. Since then, I did some research and have four reasons why it is important we talk about this.

1. It’s a Hidden Disorder

In this article, postpartum anxiety is defined as when women have “a lot of fear, tension, poor concentration…and they’ll have a lot of intrusive, unwanted persistent thoughts, images, fears of the baby being harmed.”

Unlike symptoms of postpartum depression such as persistent sadness, worrying about your baby may seem normal to many, if not all, mothers. It is because of this perceived normalcy that postpartum anxiety is harder to recognize and often goes unnoticed by both mothers and the people around her. And while hospitals are equipped with the necessary screening tools to identify mothers with postpartum depression, that’s not the case for postpartum anxiety.

2. The Goddess Myth

According to TIME Magazine, the Goddess Myth is a rampant ideal that impacts mothers worldwide. It tells mothers, and everyone else, that we are expected to flawlessly journey through motherhood and feel fantastic while doing it. This ideal makes it difficult for mothers to speak freely about their struggles, for fear that they would be seen as an incapable mother unable to handle “normal worrying”.

So on top of poor public awareness, how do we prevent mothers with postpartum anxiety from falling through the cracks when the very source of this anxiety – the mother herself – thinks it’s unsafe to talk about?

3. A Higher Prevalence

While most research focuses on postpartum depression, not much focuses solely on postpartum anxiety. Results from the few studies done have shown that this disorder occurs more often in mothers than postpartum depression. For example, in a follow-up study of 310 Canadian pregnant women, postpartum anxiety was three times more common than postpartum depression. In another study done on 1,024 postpartum women, the percentage of women diagnosed with postpartum anxiety was twice as high.

4. Equally Debilitating

Just as with postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety comes with debilitating symptoms. Mothers can have poor eating and sleeping habits and find it difficult to concentrate on the most menial of tasks. It may also manifest in physical symptoms like nausea, breathing difficulties, and panic attacks. In severe cases, medication is needed to cope with daily functioning.

I was offered a prescription of antidepressants and sessions once every two weeks with my psychiatrist, who was not able to give me a definitive answer on whether traces of the drug would be transferred to Noah via breastmilk. The thought of even a small trace worried me enough to reject the idea of medication altogether.

I agreed to therapy but later found it difficult to continually take time off work without anyone finding out I was seeing a psychiatrist. However, within those few sessions, I felt a sense of relief that fears I had initially deemed too gruesome to talk about, were spoken out loud, acknowledged, and understood. I was reminded of my strengths and taught how to steer my thoughts in a healthier direction.

I am still a work in progress. Looking back, I wish I knew it wasn’t “just a new mom thing,” or that I had to pull myself together on my own to be seen as a good mother. My only regret was not seeking treatment earlier because seeing a Psychiatrist meant I had a clearer understanding of what I had and how I was going to recover.

On top of medication and therapy, there are other resources that help support women who struggle with mental health issues. Mothers, if you have the slightest inkling that you may be suffering from postpartum anxiety, reach out. Nobody needs to do this alone and mama, you are no exception.

The post My Journey with Postpartum Anxiety and 4 Reasons We Need to Talk About It appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Growing little tootsies deserve very special shoes– especially when they start taking their first steps. If you’ve got a wobbly little walker at home then check out some of the cutest shoes to protect their feet and help them balance too.

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Cloth diapers – aren’t they just a complete pain-in-the-a**, mamas?! Don’t they cause mountains of laundry and call for those huge safety pins that are impossible to buy anywhere?! Well, apparently not. Apart from being more eco-friendly than the disposable alternatives, cloth nappies have come a long, long way and are now totally easy and civilised (and quite cool-looking, too) – plus they could actually be better for our babes and are SO much cheaper. Mama of two (with another on the way) and founder of Eggs & Soldiers (who sell cloth nappies and lots more), Sofi swears by them – and answered our questions.

Are cloth nappies like the old fashioned muslin nappies fastened with a huge safety pin?

NO! Cloth nappies have moved on a lot from the traditional terry squares (although still available on the market), sharp nappy pins and plastic pants! Modern cloth nappies come in loads of styles from All-In-One (goes on like a disposable nappy), to 2-part nappies (absorbent nappy with separate waterproof cover), to flat terry square style nappies that require folding and securing, but not necessarily with a scary pin! They also come in different fabrics such as Cotton, Organic Cotton, Bamboo, Hemp, Microfibre, etc. Also loads of gorgeous colours and prints that most cloth mamas love to show off!

Don’t they leak everywhere once full?

Just like with a disposable nappy, they have a capacity. Different fabrics have different absorbencies. The big difference is that with a disposable nappy, you get what your given in terms of absorbency. With cloth, YOU can adjust it – just add more inserts or use more thirsty fabrics such as Bamboo or Hemp to give your child the absorbency they need at that given time. Overnight (12hrs +), you’ll need more, during the day (+/- 3-hourly changes) you can use less. If you don’t change the nappy often enough, or you don’t provide enough absorbency, yes, they’ll leak, but to be honest, you probably should have changed the nappy before that point anyway! It’s a good alarm clock to not leave your baby in a wet nappy too long!

Aren’t they loads of extra work – with all the washing etc?

Yes, you have to wash them. For me, its one load of laundry every other day. I don’t find it difficult at all and I’m SUPER disorganised! The hardest part is getting into the routine. For me, I put the kids to bed, put my nappy laundry on, have dinner, then hang them up to dry before going to bed. In the morning they are dry and I spend 5 minutes putting them together and in the drawer. Easy!

What are the benefits of using cloth nappies?

There are loads! The most common reasons for using cloth are:

1) Financial – it costs around AED 5,500 for disposable nappies from birth to potty training (double that if you use “eco disposables”). You can buy a new set of basic cloth nappies (flats or prefolds) that will fit from birth to potty training for as little as AED 500. Even the most expensive options would set you back no more that AED 3,500. Add to that you can re-use them for subsequent children (as I have done for #two and soon #three too!) and your cost savings are HUGE! And, you can even sell them on or donate them when your done with them. Doubt you’d do that with a disposable nappy! Yes, you have washing costs, but that is estimated at AED 300 to AED 500 per year.

2) Environmental – In the USA alone, roughly 18 billion disposable nappies are put in landfills each year. As disposable nappies have only existed for 25 years of so, no one really know how long they take to break down in land fill – the first disposable nappies still haven’t! Estimates range from 50-500 years.

3) No Chemicals – It’s simple, YOU control what you put on baby’s skin. With disposables, the control is with the manufacturer. With cloth, you choose what fabrics you use, you choose what you wash them in.

4) Reliability – Because disposable nappies are disposable, the elastic used on the leg and waist is cheap – very thin and flimsy. Because of this and the explosive nature of pre-weaned baby poo (liquid in, liquid out!) leaky nappies are very common – a poo-nami, if you will! Cloth nappies have much better quality, stronger elastic on BOTH the legs and waist preventing this. Many parents find they do LESS laundry when using cloth nappies as the poo-nami’s are few and far between!

Can you use them at night?

Absolutely! You just need to provide enough absorbency for the length of time your baby sleeps and frequency you change them. My kids now sleep through the night and I don’t change them. I use a bamboo 2-part nappy with an extra bamboo booster and waterproof cover. It is bulky, but that doesn’t bother baby at all. Some parents choose to use cloth in the day and disposables at night.

What do you do when going out and about? Or on holiday?

Out and about I use cloth. I take some spares, just like with disposable nappies. Only difference is when I change a nappy, instead of putting it in the bin, I put it in my ‘wet bag’ (waterproof zip up bag) and take it home to add to my next laundry load. As for holidays, it depends on if I will have easy access to washing facilities. If I do, I will often take my cloth ones with me. If not, or it’ll be difficult/a hassle to wash them, then I just use disposables. For me, if it’s not easy, I won’t do it! I find using cloth at home SO easy so I do it, but holidays can be a different matter so I just go with whatever works for that situation. I’m always excited to get back to my cloth when we get home though!

When can you start using cloth nappies – newborn or later?

That’s a personal choice. Having your first baby can be so overwhelming and it’s a big adjustment. If you add to that possible skepticism of using cloth from people around you, it can be a negative experience. Just like everything else with having a child, using cloth nappies takes a little getting used to. If they leak, it’s usually user error and you should always ask someone in the know (Like Eggs & Soldiers) how to rectify it. With my first child, I chose to wait until the umbilical cord fell off to start – so think she was 5-7 days old. My second had a cloth bum from birth, and so will my third baby too. There is nothing cuter than a tiny newborn baby with a big chunky J-Lo cloth bum!

Will clothes still fit?

Absolutely! Some clothes, particularly designer clothes, are cut very trim and can be more tricky. But on the whole, all high street brands fit just fine. The only thing I find is the 3 months size range fits a little earlier than stated. Meaning a 3-6 month baby grow will fit from 2-5 months. The other option is baby leggings, such as the Blade and Rose ones. They are brilliant with just a t-shirt and allow loads of space for a cloth bum. Once baby is older and crawling/walking, I just put baby in a cloth nappy and a t-shirt. Show off you gorgeous cloth nappy prints!

So there you go, mamas – we’re pretty sold on cloth over disposables now! To order, visit www.eggsnsoldiers.com.

The post Cloth Diapers – All Your Questions Answered appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Recent research has suggested that as many as one in four women will experience depression, anxiety or other mental health problems during pregnancy or within the first year of delivery. This makes negative thoughts, unpleasant and intrusive images and self-criticism very common.

What about Men?

Research also demonstrates the impact of this time on the men involved. Watching their loved one go through all that is entailed in carrying and delivering a baby can leave some men feeling helpless. This is especially the case in a traumatic birth or when things don’t go quite according to plan. Furthermore, evidence points to a physical hormonal change in men too, which contributes to feelings of depression and anxiety postnatally for fathers.

So all in all, conceiving, carrying, delivering and then caring for an infant can be a tricky time for many.

Prevention

There are a number of factors that are shown to be helpful at such a time. Namely, a supportive partner and family, an open mind in the delivery room and not getting caught up in doing things perfectly.

Be kind, seek support and take breaks

Research shows that being kind to yourself is an important part of dealing with low mood and anxiety at this time. Understand that this is common, that no-one does this perfectly and give yourself permission to feel anxious or low. Being angry at yourself for not coping as well as you’d like adds a whole layer to this that you don’t need.

No-one expects you to do this on your own. Don’t be afraid to lean on people. If you don’t have family support (or even if you do) consider bringing in reinforcements from a nanny or nursing agency. An extra pair of hands for a few hours allows you time to look after yourself and gives you a break. If you’re battling depressed or anxious thoughts, it’s even more important to look after yourself. Don’t isolate yourself. Share how you’re feeling with your husband, friend, support group or professional.

Signs that you may benefit from professional support.

We can assume that the first weeks and months are going to feel all over the place. Your mood will be up and down and you’re likely to feel more irritable and a little anxious at times. That said, it’s important to know when these normal experiences become something needing professional support. Here are some signs to look out for:

Symptoms of Depression

• Feeling low, hopeless or numb – some people describe feeling nothing at all
• Lack of interest and/or pleasure in life, yourself or the baby
• No energy – finding it difficult to cope and get through the day
• Often feeling close to tears, highly sensitive to other’s comments or emotional
• Feeling angry, irritable or resentful towards other mothers, the baby or your partner
• Changes in sleep – not being able to sleep even when you have the opportunity, or conversely, wanting to sleep all the time
• Changes in appetite – accompanied by weight loss or weight gain
• Difficulties concentrating, thinking clearly or making simple decisions
• Feeling isolated, alone and disconnected from others
• Thoughts of harming yourself, your baby or other children.

Symptoms of Anxiety

• Feelings of fear and worry which begin to ‘take over’ your thinking
• Feeling irritable, restless, tense or constantly ‘on edge’
• Racing heart/strong palpitations – sometimes panic attacks
• Recurring worrying thoughts such as that you are not doing things right and/or that something terrible will happen
• Distressing images keep going through your mind
• Unable to sleep – even when you have the opportunity
• Avoiding situations for fear something bad will happen.

If you notice that some of the above symptoms apply to you and they have been present for two weeks or more, and/or they are particularly troubling, it’s a good idea to seek professional support.

Treatment

International guidelines for best practice recommend cognitive behaviour therapy in the treatment of anxiety and depression in the antenatal and postnatal periods. Sometimes (but not always) medication is necessary and some medications are safe to use when pregnant or breastfeeding.

Maternal Mental Health Services

Because the impact of maternal mental health problems can be significant if left untreated, at Vivamus we have a focus on emotional health in pregnancy and after birth. We routinely address the following:

• Depression and anxiety during pregnancy
• Postnatal depression and postnatal anxiety
• Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) during pregnancy and Postnatal PTSD
• Birth trauma
• Fear of childbirth (tokophobia)
• Assistance in bonding with the new baby
• Support for the father
• Support for the couple during pregnancy and in the first year (and beyond!).

We don’t judge, we listen and we provide treatments that are shown to be helpful in getting you and your family back on track.
For appointments with Dr. Marie Thompson visit www.vivamus.me E-mail: hello@vivamus.me or call: 04 4403844

The post How To Maintain Maternal Mental Health When Everything Gets Too Much appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Small & Mighty Babies is a group set up by Joanne Hanson, whose little boy George was born prematurely and who now works to bring people together by offering support and care to those families with babies born a little too soon who are currently in NICU or who have recently come home. The group she’s created is by mothers who have experienced the NICU journey first hand and now want to help others and surround them with love. It is quite simply awe-ispiring. Read on for the very humbling, very real stories of some of the mamas and papas and tiny babies helped by Small & Mighty Babies – you might want to grab a box of tissues before you do…

Click through the slide show to read stories of our small and mighty heroes.

Read More: That Mama, Joanne Hanson

The post World Prematurity Day: Meeting Some Of Dubai’s Small & Mighty Babies appeared first on Sassy Mama.

Bedtime (aka the ‘witching hour’ in our household…) can be trying to say the least. You’re tired, they’re tired and all you want is for everyone to be in their own beds and sleeping soundly. Whether they go to bed beautifully but end up starfish like next to you or they refuse to fall asleep alone, Super Granny Andalene has a few fab tips to help.

Read More: Sassy Mama Restores Order In The Home 

Let’s first consider why it is important for your child to stay in her bed before we consider the “how”.

1. Children need to be encouraged to have age appropriate independence, eg, attempting to feed themselves from 1 year, dressing themselves at 3 years etc. Falling asleep and staying asleep is one of those milestones that give a child a sense of achievement when they accomplish this on their own.
2. Parents need to have time for each other without children around. The biggest gift you can give your child is to love your spouse. Nothing gives them more security than experiencing a loving relationship between their mom and dad. When a parent lies with a child every night to get them to sleep, that parent is then too exhausted to do anything but go straight to bed, with no time for their spouse.
3. When you lay with a child to fall asleep, you create a pattern. The child then needs that pattern to fall back asleep when he is in his light sleep through the night. He will not be able to self-soothe to put himself back to sleep, instead, he will need that thing/pattern to enable him to achieve sleep again. Therefore, if you rock your child to sleep, he will need to be rocked in the middle of the night (possibly several times) if you lie with your child and slip out, he will wake up and “need” you to fall asleep again.

Read more: 3 Ways to Stop Temper Tantrums

So, taking the above into consideration, how can we help our child to stay in his bed?

1. Keep a sippy cup of water next to the bed, make sure teeth are brushed and the final toilet trip has been taken.
2. Decide on a predictable, calm routine. I suggest always ending it with a calm (not scary) bedtime story. One dad told me after story time, he puts off the lights, lights a candle and tells a short story in the dark.
3. Keep the atmosphere calm, low tone voices softened lighting.
4. Stick to your routine, then leave the room with a hug, a good night, lights OFF and leave the room. NO night lights.
5. It is advisable to start with a sleep association as early as possible eg a teddy, taggie, blanket whatever.
6. If your child gets out of bed, say in a friendly, assertive voice, “Stay in your bed, or I will have to take away your… (sleep association) and close the door”
7. If they insist, then do step 6. Hold the door closed for only 5 seconds. Open the door and in a gentle yet assertive way, repeat, “Stay in your bed, or I will have to take away your… (sleep association) and close the door. Goodnight.”
8. Sometimes on the first night, this needs to be repeated 3 or 4 times, but then you’re done! 2nd night, maybe twice, then miraculously, generally, they sleep through the night.
9. Occasionally this needs to be reinforced in the middle of the night during the first night, then, finally, SLEEP AT LAST!

Remember sleep is so important for us all. But broken sleep takes away the benefits as you do not achieve your 3 deep sleep cycles that are so essential.

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